Thursday, 26 January 2012


Well hello there.
Apologies, I said the blog before last, I'd write a happy blog soon, then the last one I wrote was rather depressing also.
 So here's my happy blog! hehe
 Tomorrow is FRIIIIIIDAY!!!!! Be happy!
Blog soon.

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Those no longer with us

Well hello there.
        After a long, rather depressing memory session with my mother this evening it got me thinking. Rather negatively but thinking all the same. I'm very lucky,touch wood, to say that I haven't really lost anyone close to me. I have attended very few funerals and therefore haven't really experienced what it's like to lose a loved one. However I have had many animals and as they don't last as long as human's, a lot of misery has been caused. Sounds soppy I know but like many other people, I always classed animals as siblings or family. The first animal I lost was a goldfish, because he wasn't really mine to begin with I wasn't fazed. But as I got older, so did my animals. First it was one of my guinea pigs. Came home from my Nan and granddads and she'd died. I cried, but my mum cried more because the guinea pig hadn't been feeling well and they were outside. This means she couldn't keep constant check on them. The next animal to go, my beloved dog. She was a Belgian Shepard and had grown up with me since I was a baby. I have pictures of me asleep on the sofa and she is lying at my feet. She was my sister. The last to go was my final guinea pig.  However what hurt me most was that they all didn't want to die. You could tell they were in pain, struggling, yet they were determined to fight it. If they had just gone in the night, the crying would have been less. But they didn't.
      I manage to hide my feelings well, usually because I have to be strong for my Mum who really takes their deaths to heart but I've found in recent years, it's hurt me more. In the middle of the night I'll wake up, eyes streaming. Heart aching.
    It's not just animals, humans too. When I was little, I lived near this women who kept Cats and China Dolls. She was a friend of my Mum's. Lovely woman. Not crazy, married and everything.  In 2003 we moved to a new house, and my Mum's friend/neighbour moved to another county, local but different all the same. We  said we'd go visit her in her new house. We never did. In 2007/2008, she was diagnosed with cancer, Breast cancer i believe. In May, I remember my Mum telling me that she'd gone into remission, she was getting better. But by the October, she'd got ill again and soon passed away. I barely remember her, seeing as I was 7 when we moved house. Yet my Mum still has her funeral service. She wasn't someone who I would have cried about, but she still makes a shadow in my memories.
             Many people die everyday and whilst this may seem select, I just wanted to share my sadness. For whilst I never cried when they first passed away, I'm crying now. I miss them. No matter how big or small a part they played in my life;they are what makes me. Me.

R.I.P- I will remember you always!

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Painful reminders!

Well hello there.
  Ever get that feeling when you feel so low that you just want to go to bed and never wake up? I've had that before, it's horrible. Normally most people cry it out then they're fine, I'm like that too, sometimes.
Sometimes though, the anger engulfs me so much I need to get rid of it. I don't ever want to hurt anyone else, so the only other route is hurting myself. Self harming.
  Please never do this. It's a silly pathway out. It creates painful reminders, that will be there forever basically. I know this may sound really desperate, but I'm not. I'm an extremely happy person, but with every high moment comes as an equally low moment which I struggle to get through. I used to do it regularly, (not many people  know) but I've stopped now, forever haunted by my heat of the moment mistakes. I don't plan on doing it again, my only regret is that I ever started in the first place.
Apologies for the depressiveness tonight, I'll write a much happier blog soon.

Friday, 13 January 2012

Live like there's no tomorrow

Well hello there.
  Whilst having a lovely chat with the bestest earlier today, she informed me of her dislike of her current situation and how she wants to get away from it all. Not like die or anything but move abroad. Have some different experiences etc. At first I felt like she was being irrational and a bit OTT but once she explained to me how she truly felt, I could see her reasoning.
   At the end of the day, we only have 1 life and we should live it the way we want to. Experiencing all sorts of adventures, from the very small to the absolutely huge. Meeting a variety of people, from the good, to the down right Bonkers!
  Soon we'll be dead and gone, before we die, we'll have regrets, regrets we didn't take some opportunities, regrets we didn't tell that person we loved them. Regrets we didn't live our life to the full.

So remember, Live Like there's no tomorrow. After all, we only have one life.

Thursday, 12 January 2012

Just a little something to brighten up your day

Smiling is infectious,
You can catch it like the flu.
Someone smiled at me today,
And I started smiling too.


Monday, 9 January 2012

No matter what, I'll be there.

Well hello there.
 As of late I've been having a fair few conversations with friends who I haven't seen in ages. Not because I'm too lazy to organise anything but because they live far away. One friend it would take them, a plane, train and an automobile to get to where I live and a couple of trains for the other.
 I would love to see them again. We shared some wonderful, if brief memories together and well I'd love to have more. I love them both like sisters and they mean everything to me. I hate seeing them down and even though I'm here and they're there, I'm always willing to fight their corner.
 I know that if we all lived closer, it would be fantastic, I COULD actually fight their corner. Some things however just aren't meant to be. I'm hoping that after exams, I might get a visit from at least one of them. Although I always get my hopes up for nothing. But maybe this time will be different.
  I love them lots so i have every faith I'll see them again soon.

On a little end note, never lose contact with the ones you love because one day, it might be too late.

Friday, 6 January 2012

Questions with no answers

Well hello there.
 Today I've started a big debate, with myself. I'm not too sure about what the answer is to my question and I don't think I want to know.
  I've discussed it with someone but as much as I love them, they didn't really help my question. They understand my situation  but I'm just not sure of the answer.
  Well this is a little ramble. Apologies for the vagueness.

Thursday, 5 January 2012

Practice makes perfect!

Well hello there.
Haven't blogged for a while as just started back at school and been revising. Alot. Well my exams are next week and the week after so not too long now. Gulp! I only have 2 and whilst this may seem good, it's not, because AS is the hardest thing ever, well after GCSE it is.
 All my teachers in ALL my subjects (that being 4) have been lecturing me of the importance of starting revising in like October, and whilst this is logical, the revision I did do then has subsequently left my head, so I have to just re-revise it now.
 However one tip they've given me that I must note, is the doing of past papers. Doing these allows you to see the style of the exam and what is expected of you to get the marks. I found these are helpful, but like most things only to a degree, as your exam might not contain anything which has been covered previously. So never just rely on one method to help you. That's also another reason I hate starting revision TOO early, you do the past papers too soon and when it's more important for you to do them, there are no new ones for you to do.
 So make sure you practice, but not too much solely and not too soon.

Good Luck if you are sitting exams anytime soon!

Monday, 2 January 2012

Happy New Year!!!

Well hello there.
Well it's 2 days now into the New Year. Mine started off pretty good actually. Although I don't think losing at cards 6 times in a row is.... but oh well. I had been drinking, only a little though. Got myself a permanent job too. The fear I felt when I got called in to have my 12 week review was huge but to find out I'd managed to get the job was wow! Most of the christmas temps did, although one person who most people thought deserved to get the job didn't. This really made me sad because he was a really hard worker and we'd been together most of the time  on our little christmas temp journey. Anyways just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year.
I hope 2012 is a prosperous one for you. Remember it will only be as good as you make it.